Myth vs. Mind #5: Does Confidence Always Mean Competence?
Psychology Myth Uncovered. The Dunning-Kruger Surprise
We’ve all met that person: the one who speaks with absolute certainty, takes charge of every conversation, and seems so sure of what they know. And maybe, just maybe, you’ve thought: “Wow, they must be really smart, really capable.”
But here’s the truth: confidence does not always equal competence.
Other Psychology Myths Uncovered
The Dunning-Kruger Surprise
In 1999, psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger discovered something fascinating: people with low skill in a particular area often overestimate their ability, while people with high skill often underestimate themselves. We’ve all been there, right?
This phenomenon became known as the Dunning-Kruger effect:
The less we know, the more likely we are to feel confident (because we don’t realise what we’re missing).
The more we know, the more aware we are of our limitations, so we may actually feel less confident at times.
It’s a paradox, and it plays out in everyday life more often than we realise.
Everyday Examples
Think about:
The coworker who insists they know the best way to do a task, yet keeps making mistakes.
The student who aces the test but leaves the exam room doubting themselves (happens to the best of us).
The friend who swears they’re an amazing cook but forgets the salt every single time (Oh, snap!).
Or maybe you’ve seen the flip side: someone truly gifted downplaying their ability with phrases like, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “I’m not that good.”
Confidence and competence don’t always walk hand in hand. Sometimes they run in opposite directions.
When confidence looks like competence, but isn’t
Body language can make confidence appear convincing, even when it doesn’t match reality. Someone might not truly know what they’re doing, but their nonverbal signals can sell the illusion.
Here are some real-life scenarios to illustrate this:
The workplace expert on paper
A coworker presents a project with bold gestures, firm posture, and a steady, commanding voice. They look like they’ve got it all under control, but when you check the details, there are gaps in their knowledge or mistakes in their reasoning. The confidence convinces others at first, but results eventually reveal the truth.The social media guru
Someone talks passionately about a topic online, with confident hand movements in videos, clear diction, and assertive language. Followers assume expertise, but in reality, they may have limited experience. The performance of confidence masks gaps in actual skill.The overly certain friend giving advice
A friend insists they know the best approach to solve a problem, speaking with unwavering certainty and leaning forward with expressive hand gestures. You nod along because they sound sure, only to discover later that their suggestion doesn’t work. Confidence felt believable because their body language matched the story, but the competence didn’t.The lecturer or speaker
Someone stands tall, projects their voice, maintains strong eye contact, and gestures expansively while delivering a talk. The audience is impressed, assuming deep knowledge. But the content may be superficial or inaccurate. It’s a reminder that a presentation can create an impression stronger than reality.The negotiator or salesperson
A person negotiates with smooth movements, controlled tone, and assertive posture. They appear persuasive and capable, but the details of the deal may reveal a lack of preparation or understanding. Confidence can sway perception even when skill is lacking.
Confidence can look like competence. Posture, gestures, and tone of voice can convince us, but only consistent results, careful thought, and evidence of knowledge reveal true ability.
Competence without confidence
Interestingly, truly skilled people often downplay their expertise. Their body language may be more reserved, subtle, and thoughtful, not because they’re insecure, but because they’re aware of the complexity of what they know.
Examples:
The experienced colleague
A coworker has mastered a difficult project or tool, but during meetings, they speak softly, pause frequently, and glance down when answering questions. They may hesitate to assert their ideas loudly. Despite their quiet demeanour, their work consistently exceeds expectations.The talented musician
A musician practices diligently for years, knows advanced techniques, and performs beautifully, but before stepping on stage, they whisper, double-check, or show slight nervousness. Their modest body language hides a deep level of skill.The thoughtful teacher or mentor
A mentor gives careful, measured advice rather than delivering sweeping statements. Their posture may be relaxed, gestures small, and voice calm. Students might initially underestimate them, yet their guidance leads to profound learning and development.The cautious researcher
An expert presenting new findings may speak with hedges like “we hypothesize” or “our data suggest,” pause to reflect, or use tentative gestures. They don’t project extreme certainty, but the quality and accuracy of their work speak volumes.The skilled parent or caregiver
Someone may quietly manage complex schedules, emotional challenges, and daily logistics without boasting or drawing attention. Their calm, understated presence can achieve far more than loud declarations ever could.
True competence often comes with humility. Skilled individuals may appear less confident because they know what they don’t know, and that self-awareness keeps them thoughtful and careful. But there are other emotions and psychological turns that I will cover in my future articles that may affect the confidence level.
If you’re easily impressed by confidence, pause and ask, “Do the actions match the words?” Competence reveals itself through consistency, not bravado.
If you doubt yourself despite your skills, remember that humility is not incompetence. Awareness of limits is a sign of depth.
If you’re often confident, balance it with curiosity. True growth comes from the mix of confidence and openness to feedback.
A small self-care practice
Confidence and competence are not always aligned, but with gentle awareness and intentional practices, you can navigate this dynamic in yourself and others.
For the over-confident:
Pause and reflect: Before acting on certainty, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Do I truly know this?” or “Am I projecting confidence?”
Seek feedback regularly: Invite trusted colleagues, friends, or mentors to review your work or ideas. Constructive feedback strengthens both competence and confidence.
Keep a learning journal: Note areas where you made assumptions or errors. Over time, this cultivates awareness of your limits.
Practice “quiet confidence”: Experiment with tone, posture, and gestures that communicate thoughtfulness rather than dominance. Over time, your confidence will feel grounded and authentic.
For the under-confident:
Maintain a competence journal: Record daily wins, skills you’ve applied successfully, and positive feedback. Revisiting this helps counter self-doubt.
Take small, intentional risks: Speak up in meetings, try a new task, or share your ideas in a safe setting. Gradual steps build genuine confidence.
Mirror your strengths: Observe your posture, gestures, and voice. Sometimes subtly projecting confidence, even when unsure, can reinforce your self-belief.
Reflect on evidence: When you doubt yourself, write down objective facts: past successes, completed projects, or skills you’ve mastered. Evidence counteracts anxiety-driven self-criticism.
For everyone:
Observe body language in others: Notice when someone’s confident posture or tone doesn’t match their results, and when a reserved demeanour hides true skill. Curiosity over judgment creates insight and empathy.
Balance action with reflection: Confidence is best when paired with self-awareness. Pause before decisions, check assumptions, and align actions with real competence.
Celebrate authenticity: True confidence doesn’t need to dominate a room; it can be quiet, deliberate, and grounded in skill. Honour your own and others’ authentic presence.
Self-care here isn’t just about relaxation. It’s about building self-awareness and genuine confidence, which helps you navigate both your own abilities and those of people around you.
In conclusion
Confidence is not a perfect mirror of competence. The Dunning-Kruger effect shows us that sometimes those who know little feel the most certain, and those who know much feel the most doubt.
Real wisdom lies not in loud certainty, but in the balance of self-belief and in learning to read the subtle cues your brain and body give you.
Gentle reflection for you
When was the last time you underestimated yourself?
When did someone else’s confidence fool you?
What did you learn from noticing the difference between appearance and skill?
I’m Andi, endlessly captivated by the quiet dance between mind, body, and behaviour. With roots in economics and psychology, I listen for what’s felt but not always spoken: the gestures, the silences, the emotions we bear in our skin.
My writing is where science meets soul, a space to give shape to what we hold inside. I hope you’ll find something here that makes you feel seen, and I’d love to hear what you carry as well.
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